“I’ve never had an orgasm during sex… Help!” | Concierge Confessional
Ever felt like you’re the only one not finishing during sex? You’re not alone.
Not everyone finds orgasm easy, especially in long-term relationships where routine can sneak in while passion takes a backseat.
This week’s Concierge Confessional tackles a question many people think but rarely say out loud: “Why can’t I orgasm during sex with my partner?”
Our in-house sexologist, Chloe, explains why this is more common than most people realize and shares practical, science-based ways to bring satisfaction back into the bedroom.
Concierge Confessional: You Asked, Our In-House Sexologist Answers
Arya Member: I feel a bit awkward asking this, but… is it normal for women who are in long-term committed relationships to not have an orgasm during sex at the hands of their partners? Sex feels like a chore for me, so I never seek it out and try to find excuses when he initiates. It’s just that I feel ignored during sex, because I just can’t get off. I don’t blame him… He tries, but 90% of the time it doesn’t work, so I just get frustrated and try to get it over with… The only thing that helps me get there is my suction vibe.
Concierge Chloe answers:
First of all, not climaxing during sex with a partner is actually more common than people realize. Research shows that about 10% of women have never climaxed, and around half report difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner. So, you’re definitely not alone in this experience.
Even in long-term relationships, only about 1 in 3 women reliably orgasm with their partner, compared to most men. This isn’t unusual and it usually has less to do with commitment or attraction, and more with the kind of stimulation (most women need direct clitoral touch, not just penetration) plus open communication.
You’ve identified what feels good (clitoral suction toy and direct clitoral stimulation), and that’s a huge step forward. Have you shared that with your partner? You may want to try bringing the toy into the bedroom. Use it on yourself or ask your partner to use it on you. It can be a huge turn-on for them to watch you and use a toy on you.
Your pleasure is just as important as your partners, so don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. Have an honest and open conversation with your partner outside the bedroom (removes the pressure) and share how you feel, and what would make the experience better for you.
If bringing your favorite sex toy into the bedroom is too much, consider alternative ways to add clitoral stimulation, such as using clitoral arousal serums or herbal suppositories that promote blood flow, lubrication, and arousal. These tools may help enhance sensations and increase pleasure.
It may also be helpful to experiment with different sex positions. Different positions can hit different angles and give you better access to the clit. Doggy, sideways, and variations of Cowgirl all give you easy access to the clit, so you can use a toy during penetration.
Also, are you spending enough time on foreplay? It’s not only about the things you do right before intercourse, but it can encompass so much more. Try building arousal outside the bedroom to turn each other on. Touch, kiss, and embrace each other without expectation of sex. Allow yourself to be playful and laugh together.
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