Why Watching Porn Is Actually Good for You (and Your Relationship) With Lilly Sparks
If the word porn still makes you squirm a little, you’re not alone.
For a lot of us, especially those of us who grew up with dial-up internet and purity culture, the idea of watching porn—especially in a committed relationship—can still feel taboo. Add in the emotional labor of motherhood and the general chaos of life, and prioritizing pleasure (let alone exploring erotic content) often gets shoved to the bottom of the to-do list. Like way below “order more Diaper Genie refills.”
But here’s the thing: Watching porn, especially the right kind, can actually be good for you, your sex life, and your relationship. And we’re here to lovingly unpack why.
You’re Not the Only One Watching
First, let’s clear something up. Porn is way more popular than most people think.
A 2022 study by the Institute for Family Studies found that over 25% of adults watch porn regularly. It’s not just men, 40% of women have watched porn in the past year. More and more couples are watching it together. In fact, a BYU survey found that half of all dating couples had watched porn together.
You're not weird. You're not alone. And you’re definitely not the only one wondering, “Wait... could this actually help us have better sex?” There’s evidence that it can!
So, Why Is Porn Good For Us?
Like any form of media, porn is a tool. When used intentionally, it can be an empowering one. Here’s what research (and our own users) say about the benefits:
1. It Helps You Connect With Your Own Desires
Especially in motherhood, we can become disconnected from our bodies. Watching porn, especially content made by and for women, can help you rediscover what turns you on. It’s not just about getting off. It’s about getting back in touch with yourself.
“Porn can function as sexual mindfulness,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller, researcher at the Kinsey Institute. “It helps people become more aware of what they find arousing and gives them language to express it.”
2. It Can Boost Libido
Studies have shown that visual erotic stimulation increases sexual arousal and desire. One 2016 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that people who viewed porn regularly reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction and interest.
If your sex drive has taken a hit (hi postpartum hormones, sleep deprivation, and endless laundry), watching porn can be a gentle and accessible way to reawaken it.
3. It’s a Judgment-Free Zone
Unlike real-life sex, there’s no pressure to perform. You don’t have to be in the mood. You don’t have to worry about someone else’s needs. It’s all about you. That’s powerful.
Watching Together Can Be a Game Changer
Porn isn’t just for solo time. Watching with your partner can actually bring you closer, and we’ve got the receipts.
A 2018 study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that couples who viewed porn together reported higher relationship satisfaction, better communication, and more fulfilling sex lives.
Here’s why watching together works:
1. It Opens the Conversation
Watching erotic content can make it easier to talk about what you like (or don’t). It’s like having a visual menu of desires. You get to say: “That looks hot,” or “Hard pass,” without the awkwardness of bringing it up from scratch.
2. It Adds Novelty
Research shows that trying new things together, whether it’s travel, a cooking class, or yes, porn, boosts intimacy. It releases dopamine, the feel-good bonding chemical. Arousal plus novelty equals a stronger emotional connection.
3. It Helps Balance Mismatched Libidos
If one partner wants sex more often, watching something sexy together can help bridge that gap without pressure. You don’t have to do anything afterward, but you might want to.
How to Watch Porn With Your Partner (Without It Getting Awkward)
Ready to try it together with your partner? Here’s how to make it fun, comfortable, and actually sexy.
1. Talk First, Then Press Play
Before you dive in, have a low-stakes convo. Ask what you're both curious about, what’s off-limits, and how you want to use it — for foreplay, inspiration, or just fun. Create ground rules or make it a game, like “no touching for the first 15 minutes” or “let’s copy what we see on screen.” Think of it like planning a spicy movie night, not a high-stakes confession.
2. Pick Your Vibe Together
Choose content that feels good for both of you. That might mean softcore, real couples, or story-based scenes. Set the mood with blankets, candles, and maybe a glass of wine. Bonus points for turning it into a game: take turns picking clips, rating them, or calling out fantasies.
Looking for great ethical couple-friendly content made by women? Check out afterglow, ethical porn that turns you on and helps improve your sex life. Their films even have recaps written by sex therapists that help you bring what you see on screen into your bedroom.
3. Check In (and Keep It Playful)
Afterward, chat about what you liked, what surprised you, and whether you want to try it again. There’s no pressure to perform, this is about connection and curiosity. Whether it ends in sex, a laugh, or snacks, it's all a win.
How to Choose Porn That’s Right for You
Not all porn is created equal — and if your only exposure has been grainy videos or scenes that felt performative or uncomfortable, it’s no surprise you’ve had mixed feelings.
That’s where ethical porn comes in. Ethical porn is created with transparency, consent, and care. Performers are paid fairly, boundaries are respected, and the focus is on real pleasure, not just performance. It’s porn that feels good during and after you watch.
Look for content that centers on connection, communication, and authentic desire. If you’re curious where to start, afterglow offers ethical, woman-made films designed for couples, plus guided tutorials and expert-led recaps to help you explore with confidence.
If You’re Struggling With Guilt or Shame, You’re Not Alone
Maybe you were taught that porn is wrong. Or that “good moms” don’t desire it. Maybe you’re afraid it will hurt your relationship, or you feel like watching is cheating.
Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, reminds us that “Desire is not dirty. Pleasure is not a luxury. It's a necessity.”
Porn doesn’t have to be exploitative or degrading. Ethical porn, like what we make at afterglow, is created with care, consent, and education at the core. It’s meant to turn you on and help you grow.
If you’re curious but still feeling conflicted, try these reframes:
Start with permission. Give yourself grace to explore, learn, and get curious without judgment.
Choose content that aligns with your values. Look for ethical porn that centers women’s pleasure, includes real couples, and offers context and consent.
Use it as a tool, not a comparison. Porn should be a springboard for intimacy, not a measuring stick.
The Bottom Line: Porn Can Be a Powerful Tool for Pleasure, Connection, and Confidence
So if you’ve ever felt the itch to explore, if you want to feel more connected to your body, or if you’re craving intimacy with your partner that goes deeper than the same-old quickie before bed, porn might be exactly what you need.
And if you're ready to explore in a safe, sexy, shame-free way? You know we got you.
Curious? Try afterglow for free!
Start watching erotic films made for women and couples, plus guided “Pleasure Recaps” by sex educators to help you learn and grow together.
Start your free trial today: use code ARYA7 at checkout for a free 7-day trial.
About Arya
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