How To Give A Lingam Massage That Will Make His Eyes Roll All The Way Back In His Head
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There’s something wildly intimate—and deeply empowering—about taking your time while pleasuring your partner. Especially when you find new ways to touch their body and their soul.
That’s the magic of a lingam massage.
Part sensual ritual, part tantric exploration, part delicious pleasure session, the lingam massage isn’t just about sex.
It’s a mindset shift.
Ready to explore the art of slow, intentional pleasure that will leave them moaning your name like a prayer?
Read on.
What Is a Lingam Massage?
First things first, the basics.
“Lingam” is the Sanskrit word for a penis that’s often translated as “wand of light.”
It’s a term rooted in Tantric tradition where sexual energy isn’t just pleasure, it’s a state of being when you’re deeply connected to love and life force around and within you.
A lingam massage is a sexual practice focused on the penis. “The giver uses conscious touch to awaken sensation, help the receiver relax, and bring awareness to areas of tension or numbness,” explains Tantra Practitioner and Arya’s In-House Sexologist Tugce Balik.
Lingam Massage vs. Handjob: What’s the Difference?
If you’re confused whether a handjob is considered a lingam massage and vice versa, let us clear some things up—these two practices are very different.
A handjob is a sexy manual technique that’s often very orgasm-oriented. Or at least, very much focused on giving pleasure to your partner, fast.
Lingam has a different purpose. “It is not a handjob—the purpose is not release, but exploration and presence,” says Balik.
Think of it like this: a handjob is a sprint. A lingam massage is a sacred, slow dance.
While lingam massage may end in an orgasm if you and your partner so desire, it’s not necessary. Yet, the experience can be just as pleasurable and intense.
How To Give Your Partner a Lingam Massage at Home
Ready to learn how to give your partner a sensual massage that will make their eyes roll all the way to the back of their head?
You don’t need a tantra certification, crystal wands, or chanting bowls; just presence, mindfulness, curiosity, and some good oil or lube.
Here’s your step-by-step guide to a breathtaking and connective lingam massage at home:
Step 1: Prepare Your Tools
Before you begin, gather all the tools you need for the penis massage:
High-quality lube or oil: You can use coconut oil, any long-lasting lube, or sex oil that you like (we recommend Foria’s Intimacy Sex Oil with CBD).
Eye mask: A satin sleep mask or blindfold can be used for sensory deprivation to heighten the senses.
Bolsters and pillows: To make the experience comfortable for the receiving partner, get some cushions, blankets, and other tools.
Towels: To catch any drips and make clean up easier, make sure you have towels on hand.
Step 2: Set the Mood
Next, you want to set the mood and the environment. You’re not just giving a massage or a handjob—you’re creating a sensory experience.
So, dim the lights. Light a scented candle. Maybe consider some essential oils or incense if that’s something you both enjoy.
Create a sensual playlist that has slow and erotic songs you can play in the background. Put your phones on airplane mode (or better yet, leave them in another room).
Invite your partner to lie back in a comfortable nest of pillows and blankets and encourage them to relax so they can receive.
Say something like: “You don’t have to do anything right now. Just breathe. I want to worship you tonight.”
Instant goosebumps.
Step 3: Start With a Full-Body Massage
Before you go anywhere near the lingam, begin with a slow, relaxing massage of your partner’s back, shoulders, legs, and arms.
Use long, flowing strokes to help them drop into their body and become fully aware of all the sensations arising.
Tantric pleasure and orgasms expand beyond the genitals. “A tantric orgasm is not limited to genital sensation or climax. It can be full-bodied, energetic, and expansive,” explains Balik.
So, pay attention to every part of your partner’s body.
Step 4: Focus on Breathing
“Breath and presence are the most important "tools" you need,” says Balik.
Ask your partner to breathe deeply and slowly with you. Inhale through the nose and exhale through your mouth.
Do it over and over again. Feel your lungs expand and oxygen flow into every inch of your body.
Syncing your breaths while giving a lingam massage can be a deeply connective and intimate experience.
Step 5: Keep Eye Contact
Eye gazing is seriously underrated.
Of course, you don’t need to stare at your partner like it’s a challenge. But soft eye gazing creates a deep feeling of emotional intimacy.
It says: I see you. I’m with you. I’m fully present.
If your partner prefers to close their eyes or wear a blindfold, it’s fine. Watch their face and body react to your curious hands.
Step 6: Massage the Surrounding Areas First
Before you start massaging the lingam, spend time exploring:
Inner thighs
Perineum (the sensitive area between the testicles and anus)
Lower stomach and hips
Testicles (cup them, circle gently, and apply pressure if it’s OK with your partner)
Build anticipation. Show appreciation. Tease. Trace. Glide.
Let your partner ache for your touch. That’s the magic.
Step 7: Move to the Shaft
When you’re ready, move on to massaging the lingam. Remain intentional, present, and slow with your movements. Avoid rushing into the most reliable handjob technique you know gets your partner off.
Instead, try:
Long, slow strokes from the base to the tip
Twisting motions with both hands (like wringing a towel, but slow and gentle)
Circular thumb movements around the frenulum (right below the head)
Pressure holds at the base or behind the head
Keep your strokes varied. Slow, then still, before picking it back up.
Ride the waves of arousal, let the sexual energy build.
Step 8: Find the Sacred P-Spot
There’s so much more to penis pleasure than meets the eye.
The prostate, or “male G-spot,” can be stimulated externally or internally and feels incredible:
External stimulation: Use two fingers to press gently on the perineum. Combine with shaft strokes for deeper, grounded pleasure.
Internal stimulation: Lube a finger and insert it slowly into the anus. Curve towards the belly button–you’ll feel a small walnut-sized gland. Massage it in gentle circles.
Remember to discuss your partner’s boundaries beforehand and respect them. Some people may not be comfortable with P-spot stimulation, and that’s OK.
Stick with massaging other areas instead.
Step 9: Remove Expectations
This is essential to remember: lingam massage has no goal but to be present in your body. The point is not to make him orgasm. It’s to allow him to fully feel.
It may mean crying, moaning, softening, getting hard and soft and hard again, orgasming, or not.
Every reaction is okay. Create a safe space for your partner to be and feel.
Forget the performance and pressure.
Be present and allow the experience to unfold.
Lingam Massage Benefits
Beyond the toe-curling bliss, lingam massage offers various benefits for the body, mind, and your relationship.
Better Bodily Awareness
Many people are disconnected from their bodies and sensations that happen to them during sex, and outside of it.
Lingam massage and tantric sex help increase that bodily awareness and teach you how to be more present and feel.
Through such exploration, you may notice new sensations, pleasure points, and energy glows you’ve never felt before.
Deepens Connection
Another great lingam massage benefit is that it can deepen intimacy and connection between you and your partner.
The eye contact, the trust, and being present all help build intimacy or find emotional closeness after difficult periods, which can be valuable if you’re in a sexless marriage.
All because lingam massage and tantric sex as a whole isn’t orgasm-oriented.
“The focus isn’t on orgasm or performance, but on tuning into the body, being in relationship with sensation, and allowing that presence to deepen intimacy,” explains Balik.
A Way to Infuse Novelty
Let’s be honest: sex, even great sex, can get repetitive.
A lingam massage introduces something new, different, playful, and exploratory into your bedroom routine when you want to spice things up.
Common Lingam Massage Myths
Unfortunately, lingam massage and tantra are still often viewed with a healthy dose of scepticism and as something “woo-woo.”
So, let’s clear some things up and bust some myths.
Myth #1: It Always Has to End with an Orgasm
Nope.
Many people choose to intentionally withhold orgasm during lingam massage to build energy and prolong sensations.
This practice is called edging or sexual transmutation.
While orgasm can be a phenomenal bonus, it’s not the point of lingam massage.
Myth #2: You Have to Be Spiritual to Engage in Tantric Lingam Massage
You don’t need to be into crystals, mantras, moon rituals, or spiritual practices to engage in lingam massage.
Everyone’s welcome.
All you need is intention, consent, and the desire to be present in the moment.
Whether you want to whisper affirmations to each other or giggle through the whole thing, you’re doing it right if you’re doing it with love.
Myth #3: Lingam = Happy Ending Massage
Just like lingam massage is not the same as handjobs, it’s also different from a happy ending massage.
It’s not an experience you “buy” at a shady spa. It’s an intimate practice between trusting partners.
While it may end with an orgasm, it’s not the goal.
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