Expert-Proven Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life
This article was written for Arya by Karolina Wilde
Karolina Wilde is the author of House of Pain, the first book in a seductive dark fantasy romance trilogy, a journalist, and a sex-positive freelance writer who worked with some of the biggest brands in the world. She has a serious obsession with chocolate (dark or milk, never white, and always with salted caramel), and when she's not writing another book or another client article, she can be found playing World of Warcraft or trying to conquer her never-ending TBR pile.
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think about how to spice up your sex life? Some folks tend to think that wanting to try new things in the bedroom means that the sex they are currently having with their partner is bad. However, that couldn't be further from the truth!
Finding new ways to spice things up in the bedroom with your partner can be a fun adventure you go on together. It's a way to have fun, deepen the connection and escape the daily routine (even if just for a little while). We have ten sexy ideas to inspire you to play and explore.
Why It’s Important To Spice Up Your Sex Life?
Before we dive into all the different ways you can spice up your sex life, let's look at the reasons why it's important and how it benefits your sex life and your relationship:
1. Trying New Things Together Deepens the Bond
Doing something novel and spontaneous with your partner is one of the ways to ensure the longevity of your relationship and keep the boredom outside your bedroom door.
Focusing on novelty, variety, and surprise can be the best way to arouse excitement and feel closer to your partner. So, why not start by organizing fun and sexy date nights where you both get to try something new and explore your sexuality together? Or let a subscription service like Arya do it for you.
2. Helps Close the Pleasure Gap
Did you know that heterosexual women are the demographic having the least fun in the bedroom? Well, maybe not the least fun, but the least orgasms for sure.
Only 65% of heterosexual women orgasm during sex, compared with 95% of heterosexual men, 89% of gay men, and 86% of gay women who always have an orgasm during sex. There is a big pleasure gap that needs to be closed.
You might wonder, well, how do I do that? It's simple – you can start by trying new things in the bedroom to spice up your sex life. Finding new sexy things to try in the bedroom with your partner can lead to both of you uncovering something that is incredibly pleasurable, bringing you both mind-blowing orgasms.
3. Trying New Things Is Good for the Brain
Want a healthy functioning brain? Well, science says finding new ways to have sex can help. In his book, Keep Sharp: Build a Better Brain at Any Age, neurosurgeon and CNN chief medical correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta explains that to keep our brains functioning and healthy, we need to develop new brain cells. And trying new things (outside and inside the bedroom) can help our brain do just that.
4. Trying New Things Leads to a More Fulfilling Sex Life
When you give yourself permission to play, it opens the door to exploring your sexuality and pleasure better. By doing so, you'll find out much more about what turns you on and what things your partner does that you love the most, and you will discover how to have a better orgasm.
Let's not forget that you'll feel much more connected to your partner because you're on this adventure together. Round all these little things together, and you'll find that your sex life is much more fulfilling than it was before.
10 Ways You Can Spice Up Your Sex Life
To try something new in the bedroom, you don't have to sign up for your local swinger club, buy a set of whips and chains, and get dressed in leather (unless you want to... then, go ahead!). Give yourself permission to play, start slow, and see where your imagination takes you with these ten tips:
Expand Your Sexual Horizons
How will you know what you want to try if you haven't done your research? You have to know what's out there. So, educate yourself on sex and sexuality and be curious about it.
We live in an age where we have more sexual wellness resources than ever before, and everyone can find a way to learn about sex and sexuality in the way they prefer. Try resources like:
Social media: Tiktok and Instagram have an abundance of sex educators and experts who dedicate their time to teaching people about sex, breaking myths, and helping people have better sex. Arya's recommendation: Dr. Jessica O'Reilly, Gigi Engle, Simone Farshi from Pleasure Plus, Shan Boodram, and Emily Morse.
Podcasts: if you like audio format, then listening to sex podcasts can be a great way to discover new things. You can choose an educational podcast like Sexology Podcast by Dr. Nazanin Moali or an entertaining one like Call Her Daddy.
Books: for all the readers out there, reading books like Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, Becoming Cliterate by Dr. Laurie Mintz, or Tell Me What You Want by Justin Lehmiller is a great place to start.
Erotica: reading or listening to audio erotica stories can be very, very educating. It's a way to explore sexual fantasies in a healthy way and can spark your imagination for the next play session with your partner.
Subscription service: there is no better way to spice up your sex life than Arya. Arya is a couple's wellness platform backed by science but designed to entertain. The whole experience is created to ignite passion, deepen intimacy and grow your erotic skillset. And all you have to do is sign up. All the rest will be taken care of by the Arya team so you and your partner can avoid the stress of researching new ways to have sex, looking for toys, and worrying if the whole process is discreet when you already have plenty on your plate.
Try Lube
Basic tip, sure… But most people neglect it! There are different kinds of lube out there for you to try, and adding it to your sex routine can enhance sensations and make things during sex feel much more pleasurable.
Water-based lube is the go-to option for most scenarios. It's non-sticky, has a smooth feel, and is super easy to clean up after (no stained sheets here!).
Arya's recommendation: Sliquid H2O. It's formulated without harmful ingredients like parabens, glycerin, and sulfates.
If you want something more adventurous, trying CBD lube is a surefire way to spice things up! CBD lube can increase the blood flow to the intimate areas, which makes things feel so much better. It also helps relax pelvic floor muscles, which can help ease the pain during sex.
Arya's recommendation: Quim's Smooth Operator. It's formulated with aloe vera and is latex-friendly.
Do you know what can take your blowjobs and handjobs to the next level? Adding lube to make things wetter and sloppier. For this, make sure you’re choosing an edible lubricant that’s safe to consume!
Arya’s recommendation: WOO Coconut Love Oil. It’s made with organic coconut oil and all-natural ingredients, plus it smells and tastes like a vanilla cupcake.
Take Foreplay Outside the Bedroom
In her book, Come As You Are, sex researcher Emily Nagoski explains that what your partner does outside the bedroom can very much impact whether or not you want to have sex with them.
One of the sexual desire factors is “love and emotional bonding cues, such as feeling a sense of love, security, commitment, emotional closeness, protection, and support in your relationship, and feeling a kind of ‘special attention’ from your partner,” Nagoski writes.
So, when you want to spice up your sex life, start outside your bedroom first. Foreplay can look like many different things you do before you get naked and jump into bed: having showers together, kissing spontaneously without pressure to take it further, and touching each other while you're out and about running errands, just to name a few.
Use your time outside the bedroom to show your partner affection and build tension. When the time to have sex finally comes, the whole experience will be much sweeter.
Build Sex Position Repertoire
A very easy and effortless way to add novelty to the bedroom is to build a repertoire of sex positions you want to try. And no, we're not talking about a rotation between Missionary, Cowgirl, and Doggy here. Look up more adventurous positions and decide which ones you and your partner want to try and experiment with.
Arya partnered with Kinkly to create a guide on the Spread Eagle position (which is our favorite), so check it out if you're looking for some inspiration.
Buy a Sex Toy Together
Imagine: it's Friday evening, kids are in bed, you have a glass of wine in your hand, and it's just you and your partner in the candlelight. What do you do? Well, of course, go online shopping and pick a sex toy to try together.
Something as simple as shopping for a sex toy together can be a great way to spice up your sex life. You both get to choose something fun to try. And the anticipation of waiting for the toy to finally arrive will be the best type of foreplay.
Find New Locations
Even without leaving your home, you can find plenty of new locations where you haven't had sex with your partner before. Explore them with your partner.
You'll have to turn on your imagination and look at your home with new eyes to come up with fun new ways to use your space. If you want a little exhibitionism thrill, have sex next to the window, in your backyard, or on the balcony.
And if that's not your jam, that's fine! Explore how it feels to have sex on a kitchen counter. Just don't forget to wipe it before and after, especially if you have roommates.
Have Hotel Sex
A third of people admit that they have more sex when they're on vacation. And 65% of those people choose hotels as their preferred location to have sex while away from home. We totally get it. There is something very seductive about those crisp white hotel sheets...
If you're stuck in a rut when it comes to your desire to have sex, changing the location and escaping the daily routine can be an effective way to rekindle the passion in the bedroom. So, call the nanny, grab your partner, and book a nice hotel room just for the two of you.
Try Sexting
Remember what we said about foreplay starting outside the bedroom, way before you even consider getting naked? Well, sending your partner a cheeky message they don't expect during the day can be a very exciting little thing you do to get both of you aroused.
Writing a sexy text message takes less than a minute, and it also gives you the space to confess your desires to your partner in a stress-free way.
Not sure where to start with sexting? Why not try Arya's Talk Flirty To Me Scene, that's designed to make sexting as easy as slicing a pie.
Create a Sex Playlist Together
Before Spotify, lovebirds used to tape their favorite songs and gift them to their sweethearts. Now, the process is much easier (you can do it on a couch with a glass of wine), yet it can still be just as fun!
Creating a sex playlist together with your partner can be an intimate and fun way to get excited about sexual playtime. So, why not spend your next date night putting together a list of songs you would want to have sex to?
Ready to spice things up in the bedroom?
Sign up to Arya to unlock a new world of sensations and erotic exploration and start playing.
About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some play time. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer with your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly guided activities tailored to your deepest desires and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
