How to Flirt Without Being Awkward (Even With Your Long-Term Partner)
Does flirting feel awkward with your partner sometimes? You may be surprised, but that’s totally normal.
Flirting with someone you’ve been with for years can feel weirder than flirting with a stranger.
You already know each other. You don’t want to sound fake. You don’t want to try too hard.
And you definitely don’t want to feel rejected by the person you love most.
So instead of taking that risk… you say nothing.
And the silence feels heavier than any bad line ever could.
The good news? Flirting isn’t about being smooth, clever, or seductive on command. Especially in long-term relationships.
“Flirting is the bridge between emotional safety and erotic charge. Without it, intimacy becomes functional,” says Arya’s in-house sexologist, Tugce Balik.
It’s about creating small moments of authentic connection and sexy tension.
Let’s break down how to flirt with your partner even if you’ve been together for a long time.
Why Flirting Feels Awkward in Long-Term Relationships
First, a little reassurance: feeling awkward about flirting is incredibly common, especially in committed partnerships.
Here’s why.
You Care More, So the Stakes Feel Higher
Rejection from a stranger is easy to brush off.
Rejection from your partner can feel personal.
That makes many people hesitate before making a move at all.
Overthinking Kills Spontaneity
When you start mentally rehearsing how to flirt, it stops feeling natural. Suddenly, you’re judging every word before it leaves your mouth, and the moment passes.
Flirting Often Feels Tied to Sex
In many relationships, flirting only happens when someone wants sex.
That creates pressure, and pressure isn’t exactly sexy.
In fact, for some, it may be the biggest turn-off that ruins the flirty moment.
Routine Dulls Playfulness, Not Desire
Familiarity doesn’t kill attraction. But it can push playfulness to the side.
Managing kids, household, relatives, friends, and work sometimes doesn’t leave much space for playfulness, so no wonder you may forget how to flirt.
Making space for playfulness can reignite the spark and make flirting natural again.
Redefining Flirting for Couples: 5 Tips on How To Flirt
Here’s the biggest reframe that makes flirting feel easier:
Remember: Flirting Isn’t a Performance. It’s an Invitation.
It’s not about delivering the perfect line or getting a specific reaction. It’s about letting your partner know, “I see you. I’m thinking about you. I’m open to connection.”
Real flirting is:
Low-stakes
Curious
Intentional
Fun
Allowed to go nowhere
Think of it as creating micro-moments of desire, small sparks that don’t need to turn into a fire right away.
The Golden Rule of Flirting: Remove the End Goal
The fastest way to make flirting awkward is to attach an outcome to it.
When flirting becomes:
A test (“Do they still want me?”)
A demand (“This should lead to sex”)
A performance (“I need to get this right”)
…it stops being playful.
Flirting works best when it’s allowed to simply exist.
Sometimes it leads to sex.
Sometimes it leads to laughter.
Sometimes it leads to a kiss and then back to your evening.
Ironically, the less you need flirting to go somewhere, the more likely it is to take you there.
Flirt Without Words: Body-Based Connection
If words feel hard, start with your body.
Non-verbal flirting is often the easiest place to begin because it’s subtle and low-pressure.
Try:
Holding eye contact a second longer than usual
Sitting closer than you normally would
Brushing past them intentionally
Resting a hand on their thigh or lower back
Winking at them
Smirking or smiling when having a conversation
These gestures say “I’m here. I’m tuned into you.”
No lines required.
Flirting With Words (That Don’t Feel Cringe)
You don’t need cringy pickup lines.
You need language that sounds like you.
Use observations instead of scripts. Simple, honest statements go a long way:
“You look really good right now.”
“I love watching you when you’re focused.”
“That smile gets me every time.”
Lean into curiosity! Curiosity feels inviting, not demanding:
“What would feel good tonight?”
“What are you in the mood for lately?”
“What do you want more of from me right now?”
Or, try evoking your shared history. Inside jokes, memories, and mutual experiences are powerful:
“Remember when you used to do that thing?”
“This reminds me of when we first started dating.”
“I miss this version of us.”
Use Text Messages To Build Anticipation
Flirting over text can be especially fun.
You don’t need to send explicit messages. Send your thoughts, and share your desires.
Try:
“I was thinking about you earlier. Couldn’t stop smiling.”
“You crossed my mind today, in the most delicious way.”
“Remind me to tell you something later.”
“You’re going to like tonight.”
Anticipation is often sexier than detail. Let your partner’s imagination do some of the work.
Want more sext ideas? Check out our guide with 75+ sexy text ideas.
Common Flirting Mistakes (and Why They’re Totally Normal)
If flirting feels clumsy sometimes, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
A few common traps many people fall into are:
Only flirting when you want sex: It can make your partner feel like they should only engage in flirting back when they’re in a mood for sex, which they may not be in a mood for often.
Flirting to test desire: Nobody likes to be tested on their feelings, especially after a long day of handling work, kids, and other responsibilities.
Giving up after one awkward moment: Instead of shutting down or getting embarrassed, turn it around into a playful moment you both can laugh about.
Comparing how you flirt now to how you used to flirt: It’s normal for your preferences and personality to evolve. Comparison is a thief of joy, so focus on the present instead of the past!
Flirting is a skill you practice together. It gets easier with repetition, so get to practicing!
Make Flirting Part of Your Relationship Again
You don’t need a personality transplant or a sudden confidence boost to start flirting again.
Be yourself and have fun. Don’t shy away from playfulness.
The goal isn’t to be smooth.
The goal is to stay connected.
And if flirting feels rusty, a little guidance or structure can help take the pressure off, so playfulness and desire have room to grow again.
Because intimacy doesn’t start in the bedroom.
It starts in the way you look at each other, speak to each other, and choose each other, again and again.
Are you The Romantic or The Director?
Curious to find out? Take our 5-minute Erotic Persona quiz now.
About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some play time. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer with your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly guided activities tailored to your deepest desires and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
