How To Watch Porn With Your Partner With Squirm
There is a lot of porn on the internet.
On the device you are reading this from, you could open a browser and select from approximately 25,000,000 porn sites. Porny parodies, steamy threesomes, casting couch confessions, creampies, teacher fantasies—if you can think of it, there is probably a porn for it.
We’re a horny species.
Our collective interest in porn is undeniable, yet mainstream narratives still frame it as harmful—distorting our view of sex and diminishing intimacy in relationships. And there is validity to those claims: with porn’s widespread accessibility, it can feel easier to turn to your browser than to a partner.
But when there is such a strong societal hunger and curiosity, surely there must be another story to be told about porn. One that focuses on exploration, pleasure, and connection. One where it strengthens, not erodes, our partnered and solo sex lives.
Ethical Porn Benefits
While the verifiable fuck-ton of porn online may make us feel like novelty monsters, the sheer variety of sex on screen can be incredibly inspiring. In our podcast mini-series, Porn Nerds, one particular testimonial speaks to this:
“Porn introduced me to different kinds of kink and dynamics between a top and a sub—which is what I’m into thanks to porn. I wouldn’t have found it otherwise. It showed me that sex isn’t just doggie style or missionary; there are so many different ways to interact sexually. I didn’t get that kind of education growing up.”
While the default mental image of “porn” is often hetero, male-centered content, there’s an expansive universe beyond that. If you dig even a little deeper, you’ll find videos centered on consensual kink, queer sex, female pleasure, and much more. Imagine wondering whether your desires are “normal,” then seeing them reflected on screen. It’s incredibly affirming—and can help reduce the shame and isolation that often surround sexuality.
In long-term relationships, it’s easy to lose touch with our solo sex lives. A common challenge couples face is balancing personal porn use with partnered intimacy. No one wants to feel like they are being replaced by a browser tab. While porn and masturbation aren’t substitutes for sex with a partner, maintaining a connection to your own fantasy life can deepen the way you show up in shared experiences. And when you watch porn together, it can turn into a playful, honest way to learn what turns you both on.
How to Watch Porn with Your Partner
Watching porn with a partner can be incredibly hot. It brings that novelty that long-term relationships often lack, injecting your sex life with a fresh sense of discovery.
Choosing what to watch, reacting in real-time, and discussing what you liked can offer powerful insights into each other’s fantasies and curiosities. And, as anyone who has built a slide deck knows, visual aids are extremely helpful in relaying specifics.
If you’ve never tried it, incorporating porn into your partnered sex life might sound a little… yikes. Here’s how to ease in and get the most out of the experience:
Step 1: Talk About It
If you’ve never discussed porn together, start with their general outlook. What are your feelings about porn, and have they changed over the years?
When it comes time to choose something, treat it like any other media pick. So “Are you in the mood for a comedy or drama?” might become “Do you want to watch amateur, romantic porn or a highly-produced orgy?”
Leave judgment behind in the service of open-minded conversation. These conversations can be vulnerable. Be gentle. Don’t kink-shame yourself or your partner. If they want something you don’t, you don’t have to go along with it, but don’t make them feel bad for liking something that you don’t.
Step 2: Pick Your Porn
As we’ve stated, there is a lot to sift through. But what we watch can have a huge impact on our experience. One big reason people feel conflicted about porn is concern over performer safety and exploitation. That’s valid. But the industry is vast and not a monolith. Plenty of studios are creating hot, thoughtful content while maintaining ethical practices and taking excellent care of their performers.
Some of our ethical porn favorites are:
Erika Lust: Cinematic adult movies shot from the female and queer gaze and made with an ethical production process. Use code SQUIRM for 45% off all subscription plans.
afterglow: Made by women, for women and their partners. They make and share videos that portray sex accurately and treat performers with dignity, because nothing is sexier than consent. Use SQUIRM for a free 7-day trial.
Sex School: Uncensored, Fun Tutorials by Real Sex Professionals. No bananas, no clichés—just real talk and real education. Use code SQUIRM for 20% off all products.
Pink Label.tv: A curated collection of indie adult films. Often described as a “Criterion Collection” of sexual cinema. Use SQUIRM15 for 15% off sitewide.
Blue Artichoke Films: Award-winning, creative erotic films that portray sexuality in an emotionally realistic way. Use code BLUEART4ARYA for 15% off in August 2025.
MakeLoveNotPorn: Ready to see what everybody else, all around the world, is really doing in bed?
A Four Chambered Heart: A project, an idea and an ongoing collaboration with the intention to explore the aesthetic and conceptual potential of pornography as a creative medium for ideas.
Step 3: Reflect Back
After you’ve watched, take a beat and think back on what you liked (and didn’t) and talk about it together.
How did it feel compared to what you expected?
Is there anything you learned about yourself or your partner?
What parts turned you on the most?
Was there something hot in theory that you don’t actually want to try in real life?
If there’s a fantasy that lights you up but doesn’t feel right to act out, see if there’s a creative way to incorporate it. For example, if one partner is into threesome porn but the other isn’t, you could talk through the scenario during sex or explore it through erotic audio or roleplay. The key is to use porn as a jumping-off point—not a script.
Bonus Tip: Gamify It
We’re big fans of gamifying. It can quell nerves or add an extra layer to your porn watching. A few ideas for customizing your porn watching experience.
Show & Tell
Pick a night for each of you to bring links. The lead-up to this date is important: text each other photos of you doing “research.” Curate the vibe with lighting, a dress code, and a selection of toys to play with during your watch party. Afterward, talk about your favorite scenes, or recreate them.
Sensory Restrictions
Limits can be sexy. Maybe you can touch each other everywhere except the genitals. Maybe one of you is tied up while watching, and the other teases. Maybe one person is blindfolded, and the other narrates what’s happening in the scene. Get creative and make the experience your own.
Spoil Each Other
Sometimes sex can feel like balancing the books: we have a subconscious tally in mind during sex to make sure that it’s “even.” Overall, both partners should feel equally satisfied, but this doesn’t need to be within each sexual experience. One night, focus entirely on your partner’s pleasure while they watch something they love. Next time, it’s your turn.
The Bottom Line
Porn is a complicated topic deserving of thoughtful conversations without judgment or shame. It’s ok if these early conversations and experiences feel awkward at times. The goal with sex and relationships is not to avoid awkwardness, but to learn to weather it with compassion and grace. That’s what forges deeper intimacy—and often leads to some unexpectedly hot moments.
Have fun with the process, stay curious, and remember: if you stumble on a site that’s not your vibe, there are approximately 24,999,999 million more to choose from.
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About Arya
Life is so grown up and you two deserve some play time. Insert your new bestie Arya — a monthly subscription to reignite the spark, try new sexual experiences, and grow closer with your partner. Don't hold back your fantasies! You'll get access to a personal relationship concierge, expertly guided activities tailored to your deepest desires and a curated box of goodies delivered discreetly to your door.
