Your Expert Guide to Slow Sex with Dakota Ramppen
While a rushed quickie right before kids get home from school is fun, there’s no question that slow sex when you’re fully present in your body, and the pleasure you experience, can offer another level of intimacy with your partner.
But at its core, slow sex is simply a mindful practice that uses sexual energy and focused attention to enhance pleasure, reduce stress, and help individuals connect with their bodies.
It doesn’t mean sex has to last for hours and hours every time. You can integrate mindful pleasure practice into daily life that feels natural and sustainable for people with busy schedules, kids, and responsibilities.
What Is Slow Sex?
Slow sex is exactly what it sounds like—it’s a more sensual, prolonged way to have sex. It can be practiced solo or with a partner.
The key is to be intentional and mindful of pleasure and what’s happening in your body at any moment.
Slow sex can even be made to fit into your everyday moments—like a long exhale in the middle of a chaotic day or the intentional buildup of arousal over hours rather than minutes.
Why Slow Sex Is So Hot?
Performance anxiety is common for both men and women, often stemming from overthinking, self-consciousness, or unrealistic expectations around sex. Slow sex helps shift the focus from “doing it right” to simply feeling and being present.
By training the brain to stay in the moment rather than focusing on a goal (like orgasm or pleasing a partner), you experience less stress and create space for pleasure to unfold naturally.
For men, this could be letting go of the pressure to last longer or perform a certain way. For women, this can mean releasing the mental load that often gets in the way of pleasure.
By slowing down and shifting the way we approach sex, like paying attention to the way fabric feels against the skin, deepening breathwork, or self-touch without an end goal, we can rewire our sexual response to be more relaxed and enjoyable.
How To Have Slow Sex
If you’re ready to spice up the bedroom by practicing slow sex, here are some ways to integrate more mindful pleasure into your life with ease:
Full-Day Foreplay: Shifting the Perspective on Pleasure
One of the simplest ways to incorporate slow sex and mindful pleasure into daily life is to shift the mindset around foreplay. Instead of viewing it as something that happens right before sex, think of it as a continuous experience throughout the day.
Small, mindful moments—like savoring the sensation of warm water on your skin in the shower, breathing deeply while fantasizing about a partner, or even sending flirty texts—can all serve as a form of foreplay. This approach turns pleasure into an ongoing process rather than a rushed, last-minute prelude to sex, making it more accessible and deeply integrated into everyday life.
Slow Sex for Parents and Busy Professionals
A common misconception about slow sex is that it requires too much time, which most people simply don’t have. In reality, being mindful of bodily sensations can be integrated into everyday life.
Parents and professionals can start practicing mindfulness while folding laundry, taking a mindful walk, or even sitting at a desk by tuning into their body’s sensations and breathing deeply.
Instead of seeing sexual energy as something that only exists within the bedroom, try to engage with pleasure throughout the day in a way that feels natural and achievable.
For those in relationships, a lingering kiss, a slow and intentional caress, or even whispering desires into a partner’s ear while cooking dinner can all be part of slow pleasure.
These micro-moments of connection build anticipation, ease stress, and make pleasure a more integrated part of life.
Practical Tips to Integrate Mindfulness into Daily Life
If you’re looking for easy ways to incorporate it into your life, try these simple, practical strategies:
Start with Breathwork: Take a few deep, intentional breaths throughout the day. Focus on how your body feels with each inhale and exhale. This helps ground you in the present moment and increases body awareness.
Savor Sensation: Whether it’s the feel of a warm cup of coffee in your hands, the sun on your skin, or the texture of your sheets, take a few moments to appreciate and fully experience physical sensations.
Slow Down Self-Touch: Instead of rushing through self-pleasure, slow down. Use a lighter, more intentional touch and focus on sensation rather than orgasm.
Use the 5-Second Rule: Throughout the day, take five seconds to close your eyes and check in with your body. Notice any tingling, warmth, or areas of tension, and breathe into them.
Incorporate Audio or Visual Stimulation: Listen to erotica, watch sensual content, or simply close your eyes and fantasize for a few minutes during the day to engage your senses.
Turn Daily Tasks into Foreplay: Washing dishes? Add a little sway to your hips. Cooking? Play with teasing touches or whispers with your partner. Find ways to make everyday moments more sensual.
Communicate with Your Partner: If you have a partner, talk about ways to build a connection throughout the day. Share what turns you on, and engage in playful teasing or flirty exchanges.
Dedicate 10 Minutes to Yourself: Set aside at least 10 minutes a day for mindful pleasure—whether that’s touching yourself, stretching, or just lying down and breathing deeply.
Being More Mindful Doesn’t Have to Be Hard
Mindful pleasure and slow sex don’t have to be rigid, spiritual, or ceremonial. It can be whatever you need it to be—a tool to reconnect with yourself, a way to combat stress, or an opportunity to enhance intimacy with a partner if you’re in a long-term relationship.
By focusing on the present moment, tuning into your body, and letting go of performance expectations, slow sex and mindful pleasure can be an accessible and transformative experience for anyone, no matter how busy life gets.
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