“I don’t know how to tell them what I want” | Concierge Confessional
When it comes to intimacy, most of us have at least one question we’ve been too shy or too scared to ask out loud.
That’s why Arya members love their Concierge.
Due to the popularity of the Concierge feature, we decided to turn it into something our community can benefit from outside the app, too.
Welcome to Concierge Confessionals, a safe space where the Arya community shares what’s really on their minds, and our experts offer thoughtful, judgment-free guidance.
This week’s question? A member who wants to enjoy more pleasure with her partner, but feels stuck, especially since traditional vibrators don’t work for her.
Concierge Confessional: You Asked, We Answered
Arya Member: I'm not sure how to tell my husband what I want because I'm not exactly sure what could be helpful. I've discovered I have an embedded or internal style clit. And sometimes solo pillow jumping feels good. But otherwise, I struggle to find pleasure beyond the initial foreplay and arousal part. And I do not like vibrations, too intense for me. So the two vibrators we received in boxes were not enjoyable for either of us. Help?
Concierge Chloe answers:
You’re already so tuned in! You’ve identified what feels good (like pressure-based internal clitoral touch + solo pillow play), and that’s a huge step. You don’t need to have a full map of your pleasure to start experimenting with your partner.
When it comes to not liking the vibrations from the vibrators, it’s more common than you think! (especially for those who are more sensitive to internal-style elements like you).
You’re likely going to respond best to pressure over speed, and stillness over stimulation. So here's a touch practice you can do solo or with your partner:
A gentle grinding practice.
Lie on your belly over a soft but slightly firm pillow (a folded towel or bolster should work too). Then, you can slowly begin to grind, very subtly, even just shifting your hips side-to-side or pressing in.
No goal, no rush. Just allowing pressure to build.
Notice where your body wants stillness vs movement. Explore different angles or rhythms, especially slow, circular motion. If you're doing this with your partner, you can guide them by showing first or inviting their hand to rest on your hips as you move.
This is especially great for bringing more awareness and blood flow to the internal clitoral network without overstimulation.
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About Arya
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