How To Give a Great Blowjob: 21+ Tips To Improve Your Head Game
Blowjobs are having a moment.
Not only blowjobs, but oral sex in general.
When we surveyed over 300,000 Arya members for our 2026 State of Intimacy report, we found that oral sex is the #1 skill people want to explore.
Whether you're in a long-term relationship and looking to mix things up, or you're just curious about leveling up your skills, you're in the right place.
Here's the thing nobody tells you: there's no perfect technique, no gold-star method, no porn-approved checklist you need to memorize.
The best oral sex isn't about performance. It's about presence, confidence, and actually wanting to be there.
So take a breath, let go of any pressure you walked in with, and let's get into it.
What Makes a Blowjob “Good” (Hint: It’s Not Technique Alone)
Spoiler alert: the best blowjob you'll ever give has very little to do with some secret move you read about online.
It's not about deep-throating like a pro or hitting some imaginary performance benchmark.
What actually makes oral sex good (like, really good) is a lot simpler and honestly way more accessible than that.
It starts with enthusiasm.
Your partner can feel the difference between someone who's checked out and going through the motions versus someone who's genuinely into it.
Presence is magnetic.
When you're actually there, curious, engaged, paying attention, that energy translates in a way no technique can fake.
Speaking of paying attention: your partner's body is basically giving you a real-time roadmap the whole time.
The way their breathing shifts, the sounds they make (or try not to make), the involuntary hip movement: that's all feedback!
Learning to read those cues is honestly the most underrated skill in the bedroom, and it applies way beyond oral sex.
And then there's confidence.
Not the performative, "I've watched a lot of videos" kind, but the quiet, grounded kind that comes from knowing you're there because you want to be.
That's the thing porn never shows you: confidence isn't a technique. It's a vibe. And it's the whole game.
How To Give a Mindblowing Blowjob: 21 Tips That Will Take Your Head Game From Good to Great
Consider this your no-pressure, no-judgment guide to oral sex that actually feels good, for both of you.
1. Getting in the Right Headspace
Before anything else happens, let's talk about what's going on in your head.
The number one thing that gets in the way of great oral sex? Pressure.
The pressure to perform, to look a certain way, to last a certain amount of time, to do it "right."
Here's the truth: that pressure is a creativity killer.
When you're in your head worrying about technique, you're not actually present. And presence, as we just covered, is everything.
Try reframing oral sex as something you're doing with your partner, not for them.
It's a shared pleasure, not a service you're providing.
That subtle mental shift changes everything about how the experience feels, for both of you.
One more thing worth noting: consent goes both ways.
Wanting to give a blowjob and feeling obligated to give one are very different energies, and your partner will feel that difference.
If you're not feeling it, that's valid.
Communicate it to your partner instead of “just going with it.”
And if you do want to be there, but nerves are getting in the way?
Try a quick grounding moment before you start: a few deep breaths, a long kiss, a moment of eye contact.
2. Mental Prep First
Think of this as your pre-game ritual.
Dim the lights if bright lighting makes you self-conscious.
Put on a playlist that gets you in the mood.
Take a shower together if that helps you feel relaxed and connected.
Whatever helps you feel like yourself, do that.
There's no right way to set the scene, but intentionally creating a vibe you feel good in makes a bigger difference than you'd think.
3. Physical Prep Matters Too
Comfort is underrated!
If your neck’s at a weird angle or your knees are digging into the floor, that's going to be in the back of your mind the whole time, and it'll show.
Find a position that works for your body: lying between their legs, having them sit on the edge of the bed while you kneel on a pillow, or whatever geometry makes sense for you two.
A comfortable giver is a confident giver!
Also worth mentioning: freshen up beforehand if that helps you feel more relaxed.
A quick shower, brushing your teeth, or a glass of water.
This isn't about being "clean enough," it's about feeling good in your body so you can focus on the moment instead of worrying about anything else.
4. Kiss All Over Their Body First
Don't rush to the main event!
Start with soft kisses over their lips, their neck, their chest, their stomach, and other erogenous zones. That slow build of anticipation is doing so much work before you've even gotten there.
It tells your partner you're in no hurry, that you're enjoying them, that this isn't a transaction.
By the time you actually get to it, they'll already be halfway gone.
5. Start Slow and Build Anticipation
Same energy, continued.
Slow is almost always better than fast, especially at the start.
Beginning with gentle light touches, soft kisses, barely-there pressure, and gradually building intensity is one of the most effective things you can do.
It creates tension in the best possible way, and it gives you room to escalate, which feels incredible for your partner.
6. Use Your Hands
Your mouth doesn't have to do all the work!
And honestly… it probably shouldn't.
Using your hand in tandem with your mouth (wrapping it around the base, moving in rhythm with your lips) not only reduces jaw fatigue but also increases sensation for your partner.
Think of it as an extension of what your mouth is doing, not a separate thing.
Coordinated, fluid, intuitive.
You've got this.
7. Use Toys If You Want To
Bringing a toy into the mix isn't a sign that something's missing. It's a sign that you're creative and generous.
A vibrating cock ring, a small bullet vibe against the perineum, or a stroker used alongside your mouth can take the whole experience to another level.
Check in with your partner first, keep things playful, and don't overthink it.
Toys are just more tools in the toolkit.
8. Lube: Don't Skip It
Lube isn't just for penetrative sex! It can be a game-changer for oral sex, too.
A little flavored lube keeps things smooth, reduces friction, and honestly just makes everything feel better for both of you.
Look for a water-based formula that's body-safe and taste-tested.
Arya’s favorite oral-sex-friendly lube is Woo More Play Coconut Love Oil. It smells and tastes like vanilla cupcake, and feels absolutely divine for the receiver and the giver.
A little goes a long way, and once you try it, you won't go back.
9. Make Noise
This one is simple but wildly effective: don't be silent.
Soft moans, humming, even just audible breathing, all of it communicates that you're into it, and the vibration from sound actually adds physical sensation for your partner.
It's a two-for-one.
Let yourself be present and expressive rather than quietly going through the motions. Remember: your enjoyment is part of the experience.
10. Listen to Their Body Language and Cues
We touched on this earlier, but it's worth its own tip because it really is that important.
Pay attention to what makes their breath catch, what makes their hips shift, what makes them go quiet in that specific way.
Those are your signals.
You don't need a script. You need to stay curious and responsive.
The best lovers aren't the ones with the most moves. They're the ones who actually pay attention.
11. Edge Them
Edging (bringing someone right to the brink of orgasm and then backing off before they get there) is one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal.
It builds intensity in a way that makes the eventual release feel absolutely explosive.
Get a feel for where they are, ease off just before the point of no return, let the tension settle, then build again.
It takes a little practice to read the cues correctly, but once you've got it? Game-changing.
12. Restrain Them
Taking away your partner's ability to move by pinning their hips down with your hands, using a soft tie on their wrists, or simply telling them not to move, adds a psychological layer that can be incredibly arousing.
It puts you in control of the pace and the experience, and for a lot of people, that dynamic alone is a huge turn-on.
As always, make sure this is something you've talked about and both want before you dive in.
13. Blindfold Them
When you take away one sense, the others sharpen.
A blindfold means your partner has no idea what's coming next.
Every touch, every pause, every shift in sensation is a surprise.
That uncertainty is incredibly erotic.
It also takes the pressure off you to "perform" visually, which can be freeing for both of you.
A sleep mask, a silk scarf, or an actual blindfold all work. Just make sure they're comfortable and can signal you if they want it off.
14. Incorporate P-Spot Pleasure (If They're Into It)
The perineum (the area between the base of the scrotum and the anus) and the prostate (accessible via the anus) are packed with nerve endings and wildly underexplored by a lot of couples.
If your partner is open to it, gentle pressure or massage in this area during oral sex can dramatically intensify sensation.
Start with external touch, check in, and follow their lead.
No pressure, no assumptions, just an open conversation and willingness to explore.
15 . Eye Contact Is Everything
Looking up at your partner during oral sex is one of those simple things that lands with maximum impact every single time.
It's intimate, it's confident, it's a little bit of a power move.
And most people find it incredibly hot.
You don't have to hold eye contact the entire time (that might actually be a bit much), but a well-timed glance up while you're in the middle of it?
That's the kind of thing that gets remembered.
Core Blowjob Techniques That Will Make His Eyes Roll All the Way to His Head
Consider this your practical toolkit: five specific, tried-and-true moves that you can mix, match, and make your own.
The Kitten Lick: Using a flat, relaxed tongue, lick slowly from the base of the shaft all the way up to the tip, like you're licking an ice cream cone, unhurried and deliberate. The key is keeping it soft and slow. This move is less about intensity and more about building anticipation, making your partner desperate for more pressure before you give it to them. Use it at the start, or bring it back any time you want to dial things down before building back up.
The Twist & Swirl: Take the shaft in your hand and as you move your mouth down, twist your hand in the opposite direction, like you're gently wringing a towel, but make it smooth and fluid. At the tip, swirl your tongue in a circular motion around the head before coming back down.
The Ball & Shaft Combo: With your left hand, use your pointer finger to apply gentle pressure to the base of the scrotum. Then, with a flat tongue, lick slowly all the way over the ballsack and gently suck it into your mouth, soft suction, no teeth, nice and easy. Meanwhile, your free hand strokes the shaft in a steady rhythm.
The Suction Pull: Take the head of the penis into your mouth and create a firm seal with your lips. Think of it like drinking through a thick straw. Apply gentle but intentional suction as you slowly pull back toward the tip, letting it almost slip out of your mouth before taking it back in. The pressure, combined with that slow drag of sensation, is intensely focused and incredibly effective. You can vary the suction strength and speed to keep things unpredictable. Pair this with eye contact, and you might actually break someone.
The Hum & Bob: As you bob your head in a steady, rhythmic motion, add a low hum, any pitch, any sound, just something continuous. The vibration from the humming travels through your lips and tongue directly to your partner, adding a layer of sensation that's completely unexpected if they've never experienced it.
Common Blowjob Mistakes (And Easy Fixes)
Nobody's born knowing how to do this perfectly, and honestly, "perfectly" isn't even the goal.
But there are a few common pitfalls that are worth knowing about, mostly because they're so easy to fix once you're aware of them.
Going Too Fast, Too Soon
Speed feels like intensity, but it often just feels like rushing.
Starting slow and building gradually is almost always the better move. It creates tension, it shows confidence, and it gives your partner time to actually feel everything you're doing.
Save the intensity for when you've earned it.
Ignoring Your Own Comfort
If your neck is at a weird angle, your jaw is aching, or you're just not feeling it physically, that's going to affect the whole experience.
Adjust your position, take a breath, and use your hands to give your mouth a break.
Your comfort matters! And a comfortable, confident giver is a way better experience for everyone involved.
Treating It Like a Performance
This one comes up a lot, and it's worth repeating: oral sex is not an audition.
The moment you start doing things because you think you should rather than because you're genuinely responding to your partner, it starts to feel hollow.
Stay present, stay curious, and let go of the invisible audience.
Staying Stuck in One Rhythm for Too Long
Consistency has its place, but doing the exact same thing at the exact same pace for the entire time gets predictable fast.
Vary your speed, your pressure, your technique.
Surprise your partner.
Keep them guessing.
The unexpected is almost always more exciting than the reliable.
Let Arya Guide You: Edge
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About Arya
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